“I realized that over the past few months, I had unknowingly turned away from love – the only fuel source that really works for me. Instead of being fueled by love, I unconsciously had turned to fear, contempt, self-righteousness, and maybe a touch of high-octane disdain to navigate hard news and hard people.” ~Brene Brown
A friend of mine shared this quote along with Brene’s Post this morning (you can read it here). It hit home with me!
Love is who we are. We are covered in fear, piles of fear. Most of us with so many layers that we have forgot what love is and who we are.
My soul has been begging me to find the light. There is this space inside of me that wants to burst through all the fears and shine so bright. I see it, I feel it, I crave it. I love that space when every moment is love. When all the judgments, the fears, the doubts, the hurts go away.
Brene hit it on the head when she said she unconsciously had turned to fear… We have been conditioned and taught that fear protects us. We unconsciously begin to act out of fear. We turn to protection of ourselves, our families, those close to us that we love. We do this unconsciously because that is our habit, it is what is in our skin and bones. It is what feels natural. That is, until we experience letting that go and feel true, authentic love. In that space is natural, that is who we are. We have just forgotten it.
What pains us each day is Lovelessness. We have let fear dominate and drive us. In the smallest ways… Fear dominates when we judge another person – for anything! Who gets road rage? That is one of the largest forms of judgement in a space of fear that is unconscious to so many. How about the fear of we are not enough, or we do not have enough? Enough time, enough money, enough love, enough energy, enough education or experience? All of the times that we act out of not having or being enough. This is fear! This is a space of lovelessness.
In the day to day is where the fear begins to take over. This is where it begins to grow and then it turns into the ugly truths that we see today. Letting fear rule and forgetting about the love that is suffocating inside, screaming to come out and shine. To heal. It is when start to let fear win that the mental state begins to shift and develop into illnesses. Where we are seeing mass murdering’, we are experiencing trafficking at all time highs, stalking, and personal depression at a rise. This list can go on and on. We are experiencing it at younger ages, in higher volumes. All of this stems from lovelessness.
The way we begin to start to experience something different is when EACH OF US CHOOSE TO NOT LET FEAR WIN. That we choose to awaken from our unconscious behavior and that we start to take serious the little things that add up and become big things.
It is when we start to be love that we start to see love. We awaken to helping instead of hindering. We awaken to purpose instead of pain. That we realize love spreads just as fear spreads. Its a choice each day from all of us as a whole to choose what we spread. What do you choose today?
The world is not against you, it is for you. When we finally realize that all the frustrations and pain (both emotional and physical) show up to help us, not hinder us we open up to possibilities, to healing.
Every corner I turn is a new challenge. Some days I see the challenge and I am willing to walk through it. Not run, not fight, but SHOW UP. Other days, fear gets the best of me and my fight or flight kicks in. I want to fight back and control, or I want to hide away until it goes away. The problem is neither of those actually get me through it. Neither of those result in success, in healing.
Moments of silence guide me through it. It is in my authentic self, as I show up as me and not the pain, that I am able to walk through fire. I used to think that being still was a form of hiding but I have found it is where my power lies. It is where peace is found and clarity begins to form. It is when the world gets quiet and I find my truth. Because my truth is not yours, yours is not mine – we are at different parts of the journey.
When the same pain keeps showing up, there has to come a point when we want to stop repeating the same experience and learn what we are meant to learn. Sometimes this pain is financial, sometimes its physical or emotional, other times it’s people that keep showing up that you want to go away. No matter the pain, if it hurts – its showing up to help you, to help me.
It is time to see a larger picture, to not be stuck behind the pain but to understand what is driving the pain and how we find love and healing through the pain. Then, as the flow of life goes – it is time to pay it forward. When we breakthrough, we see the light. It is up to us to help others that are ready. The ultimate form of leadership, of transcendence, of purpose behind the cycles of our life. There is awakening in understanding. We are created to heal.
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
As much as I believe I am ready, and I know others believe they are ready… are we really? Because it takes a space of surrendering the ego, a space of being willing to learn. To slow down, to stop and open our eyes to a different perception. This is learning, this is growing.
My prayer today: I am willing to see this different. I am willing to forgive. I am willing to let go and have an experience beyond my imagination.
*Thank you Gabby for being a continued light to open up my journey to love. Those of you that follow her, will recognize those words. They are powerful, they are surrendering and they are the exact words that allow me to be in the space to be ‘ready’.
Ready to learn how to move past the pain inside that is holding me back. The pain that eats me up inside without me even knowing it.
When I am ready, the teacher appears. For me, I am in an ongoing practice of years of surrendering and finding this space. Just like anything else the more we do it, the more powerful and deep the experience. Also the quicker the manifestation. The answers are almost immediate, the teacher shows up sometimes in a matter of seconds and many times (like today) over and over in various forms.
This past year I have stepped into a space of exactly where I needed to be. From the moment the page turned, I have known every step along the way I am doing what I am supposed to. What I didn’t understand or know, is how that feels. I expected to feel a high, to be in the ultimate space of giving and love. To feel amazing.
I have experienced a depth of challenges over the past 5 years. I believed this last year was going to be a journey into spreading my wings after so many broken, clipped, and torn apart pieces. I was ready. I had created love and support like never before. I was ready to let go all I had been holding back and live to my highest potential.
I believed I could walk through fire and not be burned. I thought I went through what was needed to soar.
Instead, I stepped into a world that is hard and challenging. It has not been a high, or a great feeling – it has been a daily tear down of growth. That core of knowing and faith has been a solid foundation. The depth of love and support is solid like I had never experienced. At the surface, however, the day to day experiences has been the complete opposite.
I stepped into an industry that is not emotionally intelligent, nor evolved in authenticity. I stepped into a world where it seems like every aspect of the journey was against me. I surrounded myself around people that I forgot existed. People that have forgotten who they are as humans. People that live in so much fear that they have learned to live not only through their egos, but in lies and anger. Out to get each other at every corner. There are days I believed humanity, the human spirit, love is gone.
To not only see, but to experience everyone surrounding me that is living in fear. People have forgotten to live from their heart. To connect with others, to see others as human beings. I got dragged in, I forgot to see others as humans as they fight and attack. I got caught up in their fears and my own. All along, my insides are screaming like a little kid to see the fears behind the actions. To see the human spirit that is hid away through material pieces of life. Constantly struggling between my head and my heart. Between protection and acceptance. A struggle between fear and love.
I was placed exactly where I was needed to spread my wings. Because this is life. It is a journey of un-learning. To un-learn you have to experience what needs to go. Real love is found in the trenches of every day.
During my time of healing (in my previous chapter of life) I surrounded myself with comfort and love. I surrounded myself with those that choose to live from their heart. I was surrounded with what I needed. People that understood life at a much deeper level and chose to rise above the pain and fears. I connected with that community. I know what it is to walk away from the trenches and live in love and be surrounded by it. That is where it feels amazing. For me, that is also can be a place of hiding. Its a place that becomes easy to love and easy to forget the rest of the world that is existing, a world that is in pain and hurting.
I thought that spreading my wings and soaring was more of the feel good space. It wasn’t, it isn’t. Because the love found among all the ugliness is when we start to really experience the source of the light, the power of love, and to really see what fear causes. The greater the contrast, the greater the experience. We don’t know the level of love until we have experienced the level of pain. We don’t get to help others find the light, until we find the light in the dark for our self.
My wings are mended on and torn to shreds. Just as our bodies, they heal. They will never be like new, but they are still there. Still attached and able to fly. My wings are not meant to soar above the rest. My wings are meant to carry those I love to the nest. This journey of deep love has just begun.
I reached a point this last week of complete overwhelm. Years ago I used to live in this space of chaos and stress. I lived with my amygdala activated in full force. My emotions were always high, I was full of fear and anxiety trying to cope with laughter and smiles on the outside.
I had to get it together. I had to stop, I had to transform before I ran myself into the ground. It wasn’t until I stopped that I realized there was another way and I was holding myself back by living in this space of fear. Fear that there wasn’t enough time, or money, or that I wasn’t enough. Fear that if I slowed down the world would fall apart.
It took a lot of personal growth to overcome this lifestyle of chaos and overwhelm. To still be a great mom to busy little girls, a great wife, friend, and run my business full time. To live my life to the fullest but without overwhelm. Without fears. To live it mindfully, in the moment and enjoying each day, in peace. The peace inside. I always had days of relapse but the more I took time for my personal growth through mediation, prayer, yoga, and other mindful practices the quicker I would bounce back to peace.
What I learned was the feeling of being overwhelmed is fear in full force. Fear of not having or being enough. That whatever I am doing or giving is not enough to make ends meet. Not enough to take care of others, AND take care of me. It’s living focused in the ‘doing’ or what is not getting ‘done’ space and that space will only create more lack, more overwhelm.
This past year I have had a lot of physical changes, from moving across the country, new marriage, and new business focus. I have found that relapses are more often and sometimes longer than I like. It is taking time in a new environment to find my grounding. To re-create the space for personal growth and a community of support. To remember when the challenges of new beginnings in all aspects of life are not what defines us, but how we react to those challenges that matter. To remember the strength within, who I am is the solid ground and that inner relationship with a much higher power that guides me.
Today, I choose to remember it is all okay. There is plenty of time, money, love, and energy. Worry is full of fear, and I choose to live in peace. I choose love, I choose trust and faith. I see the patterns of overwhelm and I choose to not let fear drive.
Want to experience something different? Think bigger.
It’s proven time and time again that our own thoughts limit our experience. This concept is not new by any means. Yet, we (or at least I) get caught up in thinking small way too often.
It’s in the little things that compile and compound to be the larger experiences. I am my own worst enemy, my own limit. It’s so simple… and it is always the case. Ready for something to change? Change your thoughts. Easier said than done when we have core believes instilled in us that drive those thoughts. When we have lived to let fear lead us in ways subconsciously without us even knowing it.
It’s a simple concept that applies to every moment. Simply stop and think bigger. Get out of the space of whatever we are focused on and think bigger. Think of the outcome we want, think of what matters most and the rest just seems to fall into place. It’s not usually about fixing what we are focused on. It’s about changing our focus to something larger that the results themselves fix the issue at hand.
I experience this in all areas of life. Personally, when I sit back and think about how big the universe is. How we are just one of a billionth (more) pieces to this world. When I remember we are only here for a short time to experience life. None of my problems are problems in the bigger picture.
Our life is now and our challenges are very real to our journey. Its good to sit back with a large perspective, it is also good to connect with the daily grind. Sometimes the answer is in the details, sometimes the answer is in the vision and let the details work themselves out. There is no doubt in my mind that neither end of the spectrum is the answer every time. However, I do know from experience that we will always find a solution when we start to think bigger than the problem.
Shifting to thinking bigger is always a great way to shift the experience. It’s a way to release the negative emotion and enjoy the journey. It’s a way to start experiencing what we want instead of just hoping someday that we will. Its what gets us out of the rut in the mist of challenges when we feel like we are hitting walls.
BE BIGGER THAN YOUR PROBLEM. Either your problems will guide you, or you will guide your problems.
How something is said has more impact than the words or data used.
Tone, or energy as I relate to it, trumps the words any day. Everything we communicate has an energy with it. That energy is what drives the reaction.
As humans we have learned so many negative habits and we are unaware of the effects they carry. All of us have these habits. They could be in the words we use, our facial expressions and body language, they could be in the pitch of our voices, or the written phrases we text, email, or post.
Many times we communicate in a lower energy level, or a negative tone, and we expect results of a higher energy, or positive response. And guess what? We don’t get it. Then we get frustrated and wonder why. It won’t be until we match our energy with what we expect that we will align the experience with our expectation.
I have taught a communications course for many years. A very important part of the class that I like to spend a bit of time on is understanding the effect of our tone. You can learn the skills to communicate better but until you grasp this concept and apply it, the level of the communication and the experiences that surround it will not change.
Even though I teach this and I ‘get’ the concept, it’s a consistent lesson in life. I have so many unconscious behaviors and beliefs that keep me out of alignment. Many times I don’t realize what I am putting out until I take the time to look back on situations. This is an area we can always always grow and improve in.
The other day I saw a post from someone seeking a leadership position that started with the terms “I hate I have to do this..” It was about asking for donations for a campaign. The whole post was in a negative energy from the words used to the tone of the post. For someone wanting to lead, campaigning is part of the process. Hating to ask for financial support tells me a lot more about their character when it comes to leadership. To me, this post screamed: “I am not confident in who I am to lead. I am fighting energetically against this position as much as I am fighting for it.”
This post effected me as a possible supporter because I like to support leaders that want to make a difference and own every piece of the ‘ugly’ parts of what it takes to lead. A leader that can hold tight in tough situations and know their missions is so much larger than the little things. To me, asking for donations shouldn’t even be a concern, just part of the process. There is a good chance this leader believes the same as me when it comes to leadership, but the energy was off that day. The energy behind the post was exact opposite and makes a large impact. For some, a long-lasting, negative impact.
We can’t be perfect, we are human. We will never be-rid of all of our bad habits. We will always be communicating with another person, with their bad habits. Its part of the journey. So is learning, growing, and make a difference where and when we can. To me, communication is a foundational skill that is worth self reflecting and making an effort to be better each day.
In the midst of the chaos I find my why.
When we are in the middle of the storm it’s so easy how we forget all the things that we know. When I get caught up in the moment with the things that frustrate me, I tend to have a mental block that it is in that very moment that I am growing the most. It’s in those moments that the decision to shift back to a healthy mindset is so powerful in experiencing what I desire in life and aligning with my purpose.
I met a new friend after moving across the country and last night I was reading her book (check it out on amazon). I happened to get a couple minutes of down time to read and the couple of pages were on obstacles. I really truly do believe obstacles are given to us to help us grow. We can choose to let the obstacle to define us or we can see an obstacle for what it is, a learning experience that helps us grow.
Last night I also happened to be writing up some class descriptions for an upcoming class that I am teaching. When I stopped my ‘doing’ and realized the perfect alignment, it was clear to me that the very skills I am teaching are the skills that if I apply, will help me personally with my obstacles.
Could the universal energy be more direct and clear in answering exactly what I was seeking at the moment? The answer is always there, its our choice if we want to see it or not. The last few days I have had a question over and over again on why I am choosing a path that seems to not make any sense to my logical brain – but yet my heart is so clear it is exactly the right path.
It was in the midst of the chaos I found my why. I had to go through the frustrations. I had to analyse it (my scientific brain needs this piece). I needed to walk through the storm and also lean on my support around me (thanks mom and hubby) to see so clearly and find my why again. For me, I lost my purpose in the journey… for just a couple of days, but it felt like a lifetime! Maybe I never lost it but it was hid for a bit.
What became very clear almost instantly was that the challenges I face are the exact challenges I am supposed to learn and grow from. That the world doesn’t have to look like it went once did or how others think it should. I’m where I am today along my journey to create a new path that’s never been created before. A path where thriving is the only option. Where human beings come together instead of tear each other apart. A path where love leads and fear subsides.
Training our brains to let go of fear and create the life we want can be a challenge!
We have had so many broke records playing in our heads ever since we were young that have put fear based thoughts of how life should be, is, or can’t be. We have rooted some really self-debilitating believes in the core of ourselves that hold us back.
When we finally crack the window open and start to see light we open ourselves up to experiencing a whole new world. One full of possibilities and creation.
Then comes tomorrow, the day we slip back into old patterns of thinking and being.
Because of this reality it is so important that we never loose sight of learning, growing, and training our brain to be in alignment with what we want. We need to surround ourselves with reminders to think and feel what we would like to experience.
I happened to have fallen into the world of leadership development a few years ago and it was clear to me right away that the real work begins once we walk out of a classroom. It is because of this that I got our team together and we gathered up our favorite statements to help us remember what we teach. We started a daily email for our participants to help them start their day off remembering who they want to be. From there it evolved into including favorite quotes and sayings and has now grown into hundreds of daily Inspirations.
I would love to share these with you. You can sign up for free and start receiving yours the next business day. You can unsubscribe any time you would like (although most people never do). Simply visit our website www.discoversee.com/inspirations.
If you already receive SEE Inpsirarions, I would love to hear your comments. If not, sign up and please come back and share. This is something our team continues to work on as a gift to whomever would like it. We add more all the time.
I had coffee with a beautiful new friend today and something came up in our conversation that I want to write about today. For me blogging is a way to articulate thoughts and bring a deeper experience to some powerful life lessons. There are different stages of learning. Bloom’s Taxonomy is a great example of the stages of how we learn. We really don’t start knowing something until we start to apply it. We don’t fully learn something new until we are able to create new experiences from the knowledge. This takes time and depth. This random piece of info really has nothing to do with the purpose of this blog post about resistance… squirrel!
When we are resisting something, we are bringing it into our reality – into our experience. When we are fighting against something we are often doing as much harm as allowing what we don’t want to occur, to occur. This is simply because we are bringing power to the exact situation that we do not want. (yes, feel free to re-read. Then continue on and lets see if this makes sense)
We have an experience that we don’t like. We try to get away from it and we do not know how. So our first instinct is to fight it. To put up our hands and say no, I will not allow this. However; in the shear energy that we carry with our fight, it is like we are emotionally experiencing what we do not want. We may stop it physically but we still feel the emotional experience. Therefore bringing the experience into our reality.
We will really experience what it is that we WANT to experience, when learn to let go of the resistance and the fight of what is it we DO NOT want.
Lets play with some examples: Good VS Evil. We experience evil, we know we do not want it. Our thoughts and behaviors then tend to go into resist/fight mode against evil. This might look like: “I don’t want evil to be in my life. We must stop the evil. Evil is bad. Evil makes me feel bad.” Wrapped in these thoughts and feelings is what? It is evil. We are continuing to bring exactly what we do not want to experience into our experience.
So then how do we grow beyond this space to a space where we experience what we desire, which in this example is ‘good’? This looks like: “I have good in my life. I embrace the goodness around me. Good makes me feel peaceful and happy. Good is a great space to experience.” When we are in this space, we simply don’t even bring into our world the evil – it doesn’t exist in the space. This is when we start to experience what we want to instead of continuing to experience what do not want.
Another example is feedback and how we talk to others. Using an example of being a parent talking to our kids: “You are not stupid. You are not ugly. You are not mean.” This feedback that is wrapped in bringing what they ‘are not’ into a conscious reality. Whereas: “You are smart. you are beautiful. You are kind.” leaves no space for what we do NOT want them to feel or know.
Where in your life are you bringing experiences that you do not want simply through resistance and trying to stop it?