How something is said has more impact than the words or data used.
Tone, or energy as I relate to it, trumps the words any day. Everything we communicate has an energy with it. That energy is what drives the reaction.
As humans we have learned so many negative habits and we are unaware of the effects they carry. All of us have these habits. They could be in the words we use, our facial expressions and body language, they could be in the pitch of our voices, or the written phrases we text, email, or post.
Many times we communicate in a lower energy level, or a negative tone, and we expect results of a higher energy, or positive response. And guess what? We don’t get it. Then we get frustrated and wonder why. It won’t be until we match our energy with what we expect that we will align the experience with our expectation.
I have taught a communications course for many years. A very important part of the class that I like to spend a bit of time on is understanding the effect of our tone. You can learn the skills to communicate better but until you grasp this concept and apply it, the level of the communication and the experiences that surround it will not change.
Even though I teach this and I ‘get’ the concept, it’s a consistent lesson in life. I have so many unconscious behaviors and beliefs that keep me out of alignment. Many times I don’t realize what I am putting out until I take the time to look back on situations. This is an area we can always always grow and improve in.
The other day I saw a post from someone seeking a leadership position that started with the terms “I hate I have to do this..” It was about asking for donations for a campaign. The whole post was in a negative energy from the words used to the tone of the post. For someone wanting to lead, campaigning is part of the process. Hating to ask for financial support tells me a lot more about their character when it comes to leadership. To me, this post screamed: “I am not confident in who I am to lead. I am fighting energetically against this position as much as I am fighting for it.”
This post effected me as a possible supporter because I like to support leaders that want to make a difference and own every piece of the ‘ugly’ parts of what it takes to lead. A leader that can hold tight in tough situations and know their missions is so much larger than the little things. To me, asking for donations shouldn’t even be a concern, just part of the process. There is a good chance this leader believes the same as me when it comes to leadership, but the energy was off that day. The energy behind the post was exact opposite and makes a large impact. For some, a long-lasting, negative impact.
We can’t be perfect, we are human. We will never be-rid of all of our bad habits. We will always be communicating with another person, with their bad habits. Its part of the journey. So is learning, growing, and make a difference where and when we can. To me, communication is a foundational skill that is worth self reflecting and making an effort to be better each day.