I reached a point this last week of complete overwhelm. Years ago I used to live in this space of chaos and stress. I lived with my amygdala activated in full force. My emotions were always high, I was full of fear and anxiety trying to cope with laughter and smiles on the outside.
I had to get it together. I had to stop, I had to transform before I ran myself into the ground. It wasn’t until I stopped that I realized there was another way and I was holding myself back by living in this space of fear. Fear that there wasn’t enough time, or money, or that I wasn’t enough. Fear that if I slowed down the world would fall apart.
It took a lot of personal growth to overcome this lifestyle of chaos and overwhelm. To still be a great mom to busy little girls, a great wife, friend, and run my business full time. To live my life to the fullest but without overwhelm. Without fears. To live it mindfully, in the moment and enjoying each day, in peace. The peace inside. I always had days of relapse but the more I took time for my personal growth through mediation, prayer, yoga, and other mindful practices the quicker I would bounce back to peace.
What I learned was the feeling of being overwhelmed is fear in full force. Fear of not having or being enough. That whatever I am doing or giving is not enough to make ends meet. Not enough to take care of others, AND take care of me. It’s living focused in the ‘doing’ or what is not getting ‘done’ space and that space will only create more lack, more overwhelm.
This past year I have had a lot of physical changes, from moving across the country, new marriage, and new business focus. I have found that relapses are more often and sometimes longer than I like. It is taking time in a new environment to find my grounding. To re-create the space for personal growth and a community of support. To remember when the challenges of new beginnings in all aspects of life are not what defines us, but how we react to those challenges that matter. To remember the strength within, who I am is the solid ground and that inner relationship with a much higher power that guides me.
Today, I choose to remember it is all okay. There is plenty of time, money, love, and energy. Worry is full of fear, and I choose to live in peace. I choose love, I choose trust and faith. I see the patterns of overwhelm and I choose to not let fear drive.